To the Computer Mouse

by Linda Beaton

First Published in 'The Lie of the Land' 2004


Nae sleekit cowerin' timerous beastie
is ma wee suave computer mousie.
Oh no! In fact he's ilka flirty
and doonloads a' the blethering prattle,
spewed frae the latest worms, that snaffle
a' ma programs and ma files
in murderous electronic style.

Doonloadin' "cookies" withoot question,
that gie ma software indigestion,
the worms and viruses grow fat
- but mousie disnae stop at that!
He doonloads a' they trojan spies
- "the hacker's tool!" I hear ye cry.
And tae some listening port they cling
awaiting the command fae "pings",
tae overwrite ma program files
and spew their electronic bile
a' o'er ma hard disk.

Oh but mousie be afraid,
I've bocht some tools yer pals will dread,
tae calm the panic in my breastie,
fligged by thae electronic beasties.

Fir I now own an "anti-virus",
(legitimate purchase - not a pirate)
and installed a firewall as a backer,
tae make they trojans deaf tae hackers.
(An' I'm no feart tae run this murderin' pattle).

So mousie ye have hud yer day.
Yer illicit trysts have gan agley.
And I'm no sorry man's dominion
has broken yer ill-gotten union
wi the internet and a' its pachal.
It's aboot time!

But nae virus is beyond the pale,
if yer vigilance begins tae stale.
Fir the corporate moose on an electronic bender
can be seduced by a quark wi a hidden agenda.